u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
