I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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