I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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