well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
