Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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