sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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