New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
