My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
