I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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