She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
