he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
