I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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