i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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