You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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