Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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