dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
