I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
