BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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