I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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