Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
