does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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