That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
