Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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