Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
