I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
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The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
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She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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