im about as happy as oj after his trial
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
