He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How's work?
Spinning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
