how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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