It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
