don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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