I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Say something about gay babies.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
