You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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