The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
