I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
