i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
