Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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