Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Never underestimate the power of titties
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
