guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
