Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
