I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
this is an emotional support booty call
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
