We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
