What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
