I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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