I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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