I'm lost and stupid without you.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
