I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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