No stitches, just platelets and will power
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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