you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
is that a dick in a sweater?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
