Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
