he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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