but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
