Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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