Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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