the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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