Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't deserve a penis
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
