life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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