I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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