Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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