I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
