I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
