I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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