Im at strip club and am horny
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
