Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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