well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
