look no pants
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
