Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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