You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
