I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
