new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
