Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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